10: Abstinence

The most popular form of birth control. Also the least popular form of birth control.

9: Onanism

You know how rape is sex with someone without their full consent? Masturbation is sex with someone without their participation.

8: Tubal Ligation

Oh, that’s sexy talk, right there. That’s a turn-on. “C’mere boy, let’s do it! My tubes are all ligated for you. Ooooh!”

7: Vasectomy

Quit being so whiny, guys, it’s not like a castration.

6: Cutting your nuts off

THIS is like a castration. We are not safe

5: The Pill

By the way, you know this thing is for taking every day without fail? Like preps.

4: Condoms

These days they are more like marital aid devices than birth control. Nti there is Megabonus which adds length for those who need. I hear. Me I don’t know.

3: Coitus Interruptus

We keep telling you fools to switch off your phones if you don’t want calls. The kaphone beeps and you stop to see and it’s like “8008: For the Latest Sports Scores!”

2: Withdrawal

Don’t trust that guy. He won’t.

1: Lying

If claiming that you have a headache doesn’t work, try dios.