Ugandan Thieves

The bandit community in Uganda has today launched a charity campaign named “Yes we can steal” to sensitize and help the general population in the safe keeping of their property. In his opening speech, the Head Thief called upon everyone to be extra vigilant this festive season or risk losing their property to evil people. He asked whoever was willing to bring their property to them for safe keeping to act immediately.

“In fact, you don’t have to bring your property to us. Wherever it is, we shall find it and keep it for you,” said the head thief. “Alternatively, you could just place it somewhere you know we shall find it. Like you can leave your laptop in your car in the parking lot; we shall come for it and keep it for you at no cost whatsoever. People are evil out there I tell you. Especially during this time.”

A thief inspects a customer’s laptop before keeping it

He also said that even those unwilling to have their property kept for them would be helped anyway. “That’s how much we care for you. And for the sake of security, we maintain a high code for secrecy. Not even the police will know where we’ve kept your stuff. You won’t know who took it or how it was taken. You might even never get it back. Just know wherever it is, it will be safe.”

He reminded all present that his people dealt mostly in expensive property because it hurt them to see someone carelessly owning something expensive yet the very generous thieves could keep it for them for free. “It’s not safe for you to park your expensive car just there idle and disorderly. We shall keep it for you and hopefully you’ll buy a cheaper one, which is a safer option.”