NSSF Uganda

This exciting, exhilarating, action-packed league of tales is brought to you by…


We, the editorial chaps of ULK, do certify that to the best of our knowledge… you know what? Just be prepared for anything. Grab the popcorn.


Once upon a time not so long ago, like during Obote 2, a young maiden by the name of Jane was walking. This maiden was pure and perfect of heart, but with the best legs in the seven hills of Kampala; in fact her legs almost made it as a footnote in the P.3 Physics syllabus of that year.

As she walked along, she saw two hibiscus flowers on a bush. One was pretty and unassuming and as if bending down in a sideways manner. It was the kind of flower you automatically knew they would use to brew a nice detoxifying tea. The second was brash and ill-manneredly colored; surrounded with a mass of rambunctious bees.

The young lady stopped herself in mid stride and studied the flowers. In her mind, they made a beautiful picture, contrasting as they did two extremes. She thought to herself;

“Kale it would be like so cool if I had baby twins who were like that. One calm, sweet and serious… the other wild and crazy… hmm.”

At that point a chill came over her and caused goose bumps all over her arms. Scientists have since established that it was the winds of fate telling her that she had no idea what she was getting herself into.

Within a few weeks our heroine discovered she was pregnant with twins.

From birth, Simon and Kato were different, Kato was the more laid back guy; he was even born with swagg. Simon was a hotheaded guy with too much ruckus on his mind and nothing to do with it.

In nursery while Simon stole his friends’ gnuts and put Omo in their juice bottles; Kato was busy being cool. In Lower Primary while Simon refused to play sports with shorts and insisted on tug-of-warring in his birthday suit, Kato was mastering being cool. In P.5, while Simon was busy arguing with the teacher over the correct spelling of the word “SPELLING”, Kato was too cool to be bothered about being cool.

This is how they went on, and the first eighth or so of our movie is filled with a series of clips showing their first 18 years of life starring a series of bu-young chaps who look like what the main actor would look like if he was that age.

This state of affairs subsisted until their 18th birthday when their charming existence was thrown into disarray by the passing of their mother; Jane.

At the funeral they were approached by a mothball-looking lawyer who broke to them some startling news; they had inherited 60 squeaky clean million shillings.

“But how could that be?” asked Simon who, as ever, was more eager than he needed to be and thus couldn’t allow the punch line to unravel naturally.

Which is where you come in. Guess where the mysterious money came from and win 10 easy thousand shillings worth of airtime NOW NOW NOW!


To win:

  • Take as many guesses as you want, before 4pm today.
  • Write your answer in the comments section below and remember, no copying! We have big eyes. Besigye follows us on Twitter.
  • Everyone with the right answer wins free airtime at 4pm.

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Unfortunately, no one got the answer right.

The first clue is in the very first line. Jane exists in the days of Obote 2 and NSSF wasn’t founded until 1986. So the money didn’t come from NSSF. It’s like saying that the Bad Black baby is white.

The second (and most obvious) clue is right there in your face. You just can’t see it. The money came from Jane, the mother. Sometimes the most obvious things are not so obvious. Straka may actually not be fat. Maybe you just have a big TV. Or big eyes.

So you think you don’t need to save with NSSF? Think again. Big benefits await you. Tune in next week for BOOK TWO. This time we raise the stakes & the value of the prize.