Kale Kayihura

The inspector general of police, Maj. Gen. Kale Kayihura has lauded Son of God, Jesus Christ for his politically peaceful ascension to heaven after it was reported that Jesus used a cloud to go home instead of walking there. This was during a press conference earlier this morning at police headquarters, State House.

…he just went up pooofff…no walking…

Kayihura’s comments come in the wake of the recent countrywide walk-to-work protests by opposition parties. The police boss called upon the public to follow Jesus’ holy example for the general good of the country. He, however, did not specify whether Ugandans should also use clouds in their daily movements.

“You see why such people like Jesus are famous worldwide?” he shot. “You see? He respects the NRM and its police force. Even when he was going to the grave, he did not walk there. He was carried in a coffin.”

Kayihura threatened to arrest a Monitor newspaper journalist and charge him with sedition and unlawful obstruction of holy speech after he tried to correct him that Jesus was not buried in a coffin. He then immediately ended the press conference and threw a mineral water bottle at a Power FM reporter after he clarified that Jesus also used to walk to work to preach the gospel.