Baby, Do I Look Fat In This?


…and with that inquisition, the sanity of full nations is put at stake. Hi. My name is:

You see, intelligent people tell us that a family is the core unit of every nation. Destroy it and an entire nation is going down. The assumption of course is that by the time such a question is posed, you are in a family setting, even if it’s just the two of you, or maybe just one of you has intentions, however farfetched. That is why this is an important question, and its answer must be offered with the weight it deserves.

If you are wise, and I assume you are, otherwise you would not be reading this, don’t answer. Exercise your constitutional right to remain silent. This serves you in two ways; one you avoid the avalanche that comes your way if you answer correctly and two, you keep in her good books when you don’t have an answer. That prevents you from giving the right answer and hence being swept away by aforesaid avalanche. In today’s speak; tsunami.

But let us assume you waive your right, and answer, metaphorically speaking, what are your options? You could say:

  1. Yes dear. You look fat.
  2. Oh my Gawd.Is that you! You look amazing!
  3. No way. How could you even consider that? Of course you are (not fat).

But like I said, answering in itself is foolhardy. You see, my friend, ladies who ask such questions are hard to understand. They may require different answers for the same questions from different people. If you are her bosom buddy and you are used to being honest to each other, give it to her the way it is. “Yes, dear, you look fat”…or “No my dear, what got into you, you are thinn” (with double n). Then she will smile and thank you for your friendship.

But if you are either man, husband,boyfriend, or even a one-night -stand your chances lie in psychology. Find out whether lady-in-question is really fat but is in denial. You answer is No.2 above. If she is really fat and she wants to lose weight or even seriously is looking for a fashion opinion, you must have guessed that your answer is No.1. Say it with a sweet smile and a caress to her (likely to be) fat arm. No guarantees though.

Or perhaps she is really thin, or to be politically correct, ‘notfat’, but wants to know whether bananas recently eaten have been transformed into ass, I trust you are wise enough to choose your response wisely. Even I have no answer. Go with your gut.

Or, make up something. Force your phone to ring at that time. Pray a bee stings you that particular moment. Anything. Because if you ever answer not rightly, that will be the last answer you are ever allowed to give in a long time, and I hope you don’t forget you would have put an entire nation’s behind on a sigiri.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here