Big Spender Bad Black Finally Speaks Out From Prison


This morning, ULK was given special clearance by no one in particular to enter Luzira prison and interview Queen Bad Black the Great. I was humbled and visibly shaken as I entered the prison cell housing the richest woman on earth.

But I was surprised when the face that turned to meet my glance belonged to CHOGM hero, Gilbert Bukenya. He wore a dress and a wig.


Our ULK camera guy was sleeping on the job so he beat up a Daily Monitor camera guy and stole his camera plus this image of Gilbert Bukenya in prison


ULK: Eh! Mahogany! What are you doing in a dress?!

BUKENYA: Escuse me?! Am not Bukenya! Am Bad Black.

ULK: For real?

BB: Don’t undress me kisirani! I can shoe you in court.

ULK: I’m terribly sorry, your highness. You look like…I’m so sorry, sir. Madam.

BB: It’s okay.

ULK: So how are you finding this place, your highness?

BB: Oh my God it smells! Oh! The bed smells, the food smells…they can’t even let you go-kko out for some lunch at Serena and you come back.

ULK: The prisons of today!

BB: You know? And they brought me here saying mbu I stole money!

ULK: What?! How can they? I see people here everyday making over 10million dollars in one day even when they do nothing. That’s very normal.

BB: You see? Achoosing me like that is pros…paper…pit…popo…

ULK: Preposterous. Here. Use my hankie. You’re sweating.

BB: You’re welcome.

ULK: So when are you starting?

BB: Starting what?

ULK: To splash the money in here. The paper. The chada. The dalladalla bills yo. I even thought I’d see you in a Bentley cruisin’ on the wessyde in the compound there. But I understand if you’re laying low for now. Me I’d have already bought a mattress made out of gold. I just want you to know that I respect your style.

BB: What are you talking about? I don’t have any money in here.

ULK: But you’re BAD BLACK! You mean I’ve been nice this whole time for nothing? You’re not giving me anything?

BB: What! No.

ULK: You evil crook! You used me!

BB: Guards!

GUARD: Sir, you need to leave the beautiful damsel in distress alone and go! Now!

ULK: It’s okay. You can stop pretending. She doesn’t have money!

GUARD: WHAT! But she’s Bad Black!

ULK: Nope. That went with the money. Now she’s just a Kampala nuisance who made me say good things about her without warning me that she couldn’t pay for them. I swear I’m reporting you to police! Don’t come for our party even!

GUARD: Me can I come?

ULK: Say something funny.

GUARD: Latifah Nalukenge.

ULK: Hehehe. Again. Say it again.

GUARD: Shanita Namuyimba.

ULK: Heheheheh…Wait, who?

GUARD: She’s the same one.

ULK: The same Naalu? She bought another name?

GUARD: Yes. Mbu even she even wanted to buy the name Queen Latifah but the woman who’s the owner in America refused.

ULK: So she’s called Latifah Nalukenge Shanita Namuyimba Almost Queen Latifah?

GUARD: Yes sir.


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