When you see Susan Nava (or just Nava) you can know that one of a number of things is going to happen, depending on the venue of said sighting. If you saw her on your TV screen then you know that you are watching Login on NTV. Before your gaze, she shall interview people, give commentary, and let the pictures of Uganda glitterati swing back and forth across your screen for your entertainment and amusement and to keep that smile right there, where your evening beer put it.
Depending on how you feel about those self-important bauble-smothered paragons of superficiality who call themselves celebrities– some of you love them, some of you hate them, most of us love to hate on them—you will be entertained by Nava. Cos Nava is cool like that.
So I hollered:
Kko me nti: Hello Susan Nava of Login. I’m from Urban Legend and I was wondering if I could have an interview. Say yes please. Help keep the youth of Kampala off the streets.
Kko her that: Yes, I will do an interview with you… for the youth.
(Secure in the knowledge that the youth are covered, I asked a question about asking questions.)
Q: When you are going to start an interview, you do tell the chap, off-camera, that “I am now going to interview you”?
A: It would be awfully rude if I didn’t warn people before the camera starts rolling, don’t you think? Personally, I think the only part of Login that has interviews is the 1o1 segment.. the rest are conversations.
(I asked this because I had just seen a spectacular crash and burn on TV. A fellow at Emin Pasha’s Qwela show. His mouth was moving as if he was a normal person speaking normal person English, but this is what he said. He said the show was “electric and eccentric.” I don’t know who this person was. We have not been able to contact him for comment. We even looked in the psych ward at IHK.)
Q: Who was that guy? Was he okay?
Nava: Well sometimes when people are nervous, they make the most interesting of statements. In his defense he was on a date.
When I say I warn people first I must add that I do not give them much time to think about it, because I’d hate for them to give answers that sound rehearsed.
(I can guess that that date went south after the man said that.)
(Urban Legend, and by Urban Legend I mean Ivan, was at the Zebra party, which is something that happened where happening people happen. Ivan was happening with Seanice and Crystal. Login wanted to interview Seanice and Crystal. So, would Nava have to grab Ivan by the cuff and judo-throw his interfering ass out of there. No. All it took was one look. And suddenly Ivan felt the urge to get up and leave. Telepathy. Like for Professor X.)
So I asked. Q: At the Zebra party, one of our correspondents claims he was rolling with Seanice and Crystal and you wanted to interview them, so you telepathically ordered him out of the way. Will you deny this?
Nava: Ha ha ha! I plead the fifth. But wait, is that a law in Uganda? Oh well, nganye.
Q: “Holding On” is a nice song. Where can we get more like it?
Nava: Holding On is a song feauturing my sister. Paris. She is a recording artist, you will hear a lot more from her very soon.
Q: Have you ever had any run-ins with the law?
Nava: I don’t know, what constitutes as a run-in? Does dating an officer count? :p
Q: It might count. How much are you willing to tell us about what went on between you and this officer? Handcuffs? Oh, wait! Was it Uganda Police? Or Swedish Police? You people of dual heritage who grew up in Sweden.
Nava: I knew you’d ask. Swedish.
Q: Who is Enygma?
Nava: You tell me. I’m dying to find out who the man behind the mask is.
Q: Well, if you don’t know, then how will I? I’ve never recorded a 50-minute posse track with him.
Q: So you speak Luganda, English and Lunalusweedish. Please say something in Swedish for the readers.
Nava: What do you want me to say in Lunaluswedish?
Q: I would not know if what I want you to say is what you have actually said….
A: Haha.. Two words: Google Translate
Q: Ah. In that case, say “This is Nava on Urban Legend Kampala and you just got discombobulated by the combined awesome of these two brands. Booyaka.” In Swedish please.
Nava: Ok, I think it’s “Det har ar Nava pa Urban Legend Kampala och du har fatt discombobulation av den kombinerade enormt grymma tva varumarken. Booyaka.” I assume that discombobulated and Booyaka aren’t really words.
Q: Let me check my machine. Hmmm… And you are right! Discombobulation really isn’t a word!
Nava: Hah hah! I’m a writer, remember? Or I’d like to think so…
Q: Can I link to Flygirl Chronicles when I put that answer into the interview?
Nava: I am very proud of my work. so, yes.