The Hostel TV Series

The Hostel is a TV show about a bunch of college kids. It’s kind of like 90210 but annoying in a different way. Look I know we are all fans here, but let’s face it, Hostel is annoying. Especially because of these two reasons.

a. Sometimes the acting just switches back to Bibaawo That’s Life Mwattu stunts.

b. It’s on at 7:30pm for four days of the week. That’s four days when you can’t make proggie cos you need to watch this show.

However, in spite of its shortcomings such as the caretaker Sober’s accent, it is freakishly addictive. To the extent that even reason cannot explain. I thought I was only still watching because of the hot chicks, but I don’t even watch HB Toxic videos. I mean, that song with AY was nice but Going Out Tonight? When that song is on TV that is the only time people call Umeme and ask for their power to be cut off.

This should be a catch up article for fans, or should I say “fiends” of the show. Because have you ever seen a fan of heroin? But we should at least start with an intro to the show. So here we go.

The Setting

New Age Hostel, affiliated to a University which probably has a very good network of mercenaries to do your coursework for you because we hardly ever see the students studying or discussing or doing any of that weird shit students do like going to class. I think it is Makerere, but no one has ever said so.

Dramatis Personae (or Cast)
Patra: played by Hellen Lukoma formerly of defunct bad singing group The Obsessions. She currently serves as half of a duo with one good song and one other song called Going Out Tonight. Patra is a hot chick whose character evolved depth as the series progressed, but primarily she plays a hot female.
Annet: She is not a singer so we don’t know her real name. This is when the fact that the show does not run opening credits to identify the actors becomes an issue. The character of Annet, however, we know, grew up in an orphanage– this we know for sure because she keeps saying it over and over again.
Kitty: A miscellaneous hot chick. She speaks good English and cleaned off their enkyakya so people think she’s a class act, but then every once in a while the localness breaks out. Kitty is cool.
Jessica: Other miscellaneous hot chick, but a total bitch with thorns in her soul: thorns that will ruin hope and faith and rip all wholesome things to shreds. Also remarkable for the fact that she is a skinny chick with a fat chick’s chest. Seriously. She has a pair which she must have borrowed from someone else.
This far in the series, Jessica has attempted to steal her best friend’s boyfriend, has attempted to pimp said best friend to a rich guy, and has raped the hostel owner. Jessica puts the Ho in Hostel mu bufunze.
Hope: Hot, but not miscellaneous. She is the savedee roomate of Patra. One of the best things about this show is to imagine that once the cameras stop rolling, the character who plays Hope pulls a joint of marijuana out of her shoe, lights it up and starts cussing out the crew’s mothers.
Sober: The caretaker of the Hostel, an alcoholic. We have heard rumours that he is actually brilliant. No evidence of this has been televised as yet.
Twine: Odoki’s roomate, he is a wannabe revolutionary who, if this show was set in Makerere, would be attached to Livingstone Hall but want to be in Northcote. For those who don’t know what Northcote is, ref to History. He has repelled Annets advances in spite of the fact that Annet has the best hips in the building, and has instead focused on building his revolutionary porfolio. This  gives us a glimpse into why Otunnu is still single.
Odoch: The star of the show. A long, lanky, malwa-sipping rogue who vacillates between being a villain and being a hero and then has the best lines in the show. He frequently throws Acholi words into his dialogue and what I want to know is: why is it that when Annet speaks Luganda we say she’s local, but when Odoch speaks vanachula it’s cool? What do you Hostel fans have against my people? (By my people I mean these Gandies, by the way).
Now, I don’t want to get you all too excited, but ULK we inboxed Omara, and we have an exclusive interview coming up soon.

What do you mean I pee’d on bed?